"I Don't Love You" by My Chemical Romance is TOTALLY not a good choice of song to listen to when you think your boyfriend is going off you!!

Holy Shit maybe it's true!!
*reaches for another cig before he gets home*

Well sort of. In light of my last post i've just had a ciggie and now i plan to eat a chocolate bar and have a cuppa. In your face healthy people.
xx

Now I don't know whether i'm just being paranoid but this weekend i've felt like the Boyf isn't into me as much as he used to be. I'm sure if i said this to him he would rubbish it immediately but i'm really sensitive and the smallest things set me off thinking irrationally.
For example, i arrived home on friday early evening and he picked me up from the station. I hadn't seen him since sunday (a long time for us) and he didn't seem THAT excited or pleased to see me. I don't know what i was expecting really, it would be silly if everytime i came back he made a big song and dance about it. I just felt a bit flat at the lack of enthusiastic reception.

So anyway, another thing which is getting to me is the fact that all of a sudden he has become some kind of fitness freak. Don't get me wrong, i'm well up for him exercising more and being healthier but now when i want to eat junk food or smoke or drink he sort of gets all high and mighty with me. I haven't smoked when he has been with me because he's given up and i want to be supportive, it's also good for me to cut down. It just pisses me off a bit that before this health kick started, he would smoke 3 times as much as me, eat biscuits and chocolate every day and only eat frozen chicken and chips for dinner. I've always been a healthy eater who occaisionally likes a curry or fish and chips. Now when i eat a chocolate bar he looks at me like i'm so bad!! He has been moaning about me going out with housemates twice last week and getting drunk. EXCUSE me but before we were together he used to be off his face on pills and ketamin all weekend which i have NEVER done. The odd night getting drunk isn't something i want my boyfriend to give me the needle about. Oh god i'm really getting wound up now.
I want to say here again that i really am pleased for him to be making good lifestyle changes but i just feel scared that because i won't drink smoothies with raw eggs in or give up going to the pub that he's going to dump me!
On sunday morning he was joking about me being a "fatty" and after him banging on at me for so long about what i eat i started to cry a bit. I just couldn't help it because i'm so frustrated with him. I'm not fat at all i'm 5ft 6 and weigh 8st 12. My tummy is a bit of a pot belly but it's been like that forever and i don't really mind it to be honest. My arms and legs are pretty skinny and i've got no ass - I'M NOT FAT DAMMIT!! He felt really bad and told me how gorgeous i am and he was kidding but i'm sick of it to be fair.
Last night i even felt guilty for making a sandwich before i went to bed - but i was hungry!! I HATE being hungry. Also it pisses me off that all the good foods that i've tried to get him to try in the past he now eats like it was his idea all along. MEN!!
He's hardly kissed me all weekend which makes me even sadder
I don't know what to do . I don't want to start asking "do you still love me" etc etc and i don't really want to change and give up smoking and drinking. I'm coming home for the summer in a few weeks and i don't want to live with boring Boyf. I want my fun Boyf back who makes me laugh and does stupid stuff and eats junk food sometimes! He won't even drink dilute squash anymore! He is just so extreme with everything he does.
I think reading this that i probably sound really unreasonable and selfish. I really want him to succeed in his healthy goals but i can't take him bashing me for not adopting the lifestyle he has chosen.
We are going to a gig tomorrow night so maybe his fun side wil be back for that. I hope so or i might not be able to take this much longer.