As the Boyf has gone out today thinking i'd be at lunch with my Dad for hours (see post below), I've decided to dust off my gamecube and play The Legend of Zelda - The Ocarina Of Time. I love the Zelda games. I've never actually completed the Ocarina one so decided today's the day to start it again. Really good escapism. Taking my mind of my family.
I love computer games. I've pulled the sofa closer to the tv, put surround sound on and shut all the blinds. Like a proper nerd. I am kind of lonely though. Hope the Boyf comes home soon.

I was supposed to meet my Dad for lunch today. I haven't seen him in months (since March, i think). The Boyf gave me a lift and just as we were approaching the pub, my Dad texted saying "I'm not feeling well so not going. Everyone else is there tho". Well fucking great! I wanted to see my Dad, not everyone else. I don't like everyone else. My step-mum is a crazy alcoholic, my uncle is a nob, so is his girlfriend and all the steggy, pathetic losers they hang out with. I wanted to see my Dad. I cried when he texted me and told the Boyf to turn round take me home. I feel really rejected by my Dad. My parents divorced when i was 8 and i used to see him every Saturday. As i got older i've seen him less and less. I've never been to his house, we just meet in the pub all the time. I've been at uni for 2 years now and he's only just managed to remember i'm at Leeds not Sheffield! There is a really big background to this story and i don't think i can fit all of it in here. Basically i feel upset that my Dad doesn't seem to be interested in me. He never EVER calls me. Occaisionally i get a text saying "luv u" and i call him back and he's usually a bit drunk. I know he doesn't call me because of his phone bill. How sad. I always have to call him. He is having problems recently with panic attacks, the first i knew of this was again a text when he was drunk. Maybe this is why he cancelled last minute today. He won't help himself which frustrates me. He has high blood pressure and cholesterol yet continues to drink, smoke, eat tons of red meat and do no exercise. I feel like he is so selfish in not trying to help himself. If he dies it's all his fault and he'll leave me and my sister because of his crappy lifestyle.
To top it all off i was feeling a bit rejected anyway because last night i was going to go over see my mum and stepdad and they cancelled on me said they were going out for a walk instead. I said no probs, i'll come over today instead but they are going out. I've hardly seen them these hols which is due to me not living at home anymore but i felt a bit upset that they don't seem to miss me! This is probably just me being emotional, i know they must miss me really.
So in short i'm feeling very sorry for myself today and very upset with my Dad. I never rang him or replied to his text because i just don't know what to say.